Desiring God vs Dating

There is such a great wealth in being content with desiring God. It is futile to live to culminate earthly treasures that will ultimately sift through our fingers when we leave earth at death.

And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content. (I Timothy 6:8 NKJV)

So what about romance? There is nothing under this profile of contentment in 1 Timothy 6 that talks about being content with being single!

After all, wasn’t God who said, “It is not good that man should be alone.” (Genesis 2:18 NKJV)?

God did said that. In fact, Proverbs 18:22 says, “He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the Lord.”

So what’s the problem, John? I find a wife: it makes God happy, and He even blesses me with His favor.

I interrupt the eharmony chat room only on this ground: Is she/he the upmost pursuit to win your greatest interest? In other words, is she the center of your drive through life?

If so, you might need to evaluate.

Check this out. You’ve decided to follow the Son. I mean that’s why you’re reading this blog right?…right?

Then what does this verse convey to you?

If then you were raised with Christ [dead to sin and now alive in Christ as this new creation] seek those things which are above, where Christ is, sitting at the right hand of God. (Colossians 3:1 NKJV)

Seek Heaven’s treasures: golden streets, big mansions, loved ones and crowns. No. Seek those things which are above: where Christ is. The things we glean from above is the outcome as we set on eyes on Jesus. The focus is Christ. He is our life.

Read what follows verse three:

For you died, and your life is hidden with Christ in God. (Colossians 3:3 NKJV)

This new life we have been rebirthed in is inside Christ. So we set [our] mind on things above, not on things on the earth (Colossians 3:2 NKJV) because Christ is literally our life now.

I’m all for relationships! I just want you to see that Christ is crazy about you.

You know enough that in any romantic relationship, you need to give your everything for that person. Christ gave Himself for you that He might redeem you from sin. And it goes on. Read Ephesians 1 and see some great blessings of God you have in Christ!

He is jealous over you (Ex 34:14). In my opinion, I wouldn’t venture in a relationship, if you’re cheating on your first love!

Being content in God is great wealth in itself. Romance should never steal your heart from loving the Lord your God with all your heart, with all your soul, and with all your strength. (Deuteronomy 6:5 NKJV)

Enjoy relationships but enjoy God more.

Sticker Love

Let’s admit: love today is pretty pathetic. If you saw the title, you see what I think of it: love today is like a sticker. It’s short-lived. It can tear at any moment (even over the most trivial of things). It peels, so you can be in a relationship and always pull it off and stick it on somewhere else.

But then there is Concrete Love (true love), and to be honest with you, I still have to see someone outgun Jesus.

Jesus is on the cross, and even in His agony, He still emphasizes with people. On the cross, Christ is hanging between two criminals. Although both these men are dying, they join the crowd to mock and insult Jesus. Then one of them comes to his senses.

He sees Jesus whom was unfairly tried and sentenced to die, beaten mercilessly, stripped naked, shamed publicly. Even on the cross, Jesus is not left to die: his enemies take turns hurling insults, and the soldiers gamble for his clothes.

Yet in all this appalling mistreatment, Jesus responds, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do” (Luke 23:34 NKJV).

The criminal was confounded and soon enough he was convinced that this man was more than just a man whom would have given himself over to self-pity or bitterness. He was God.

In his penitence, the criminal stands up for Christ against his friend: “Do you not even fear God, seeing you are under the same condemnation? And we indeed justly, for we receive the due reward of our deeds; but this Man has done nothing wrong.”

Then the criminal turned over to Jesus and said, “Lord,remember me when You come into Your kingdom.” Jesus’ response is a compassionate response of forgiveness. He overlooks the man’s faults and doesn’t even take a moment to defend himself. Jesus, filled with love, answers the man’s confession: “Assuredly, I say to you, today you will be with Me in Paradise.” (Luke 23:39-43 NKJV).

Christ’s example of love is concrete.

This is true love. It’s permanent. It doesn’t waver. It’s not bias. It’s 100% selfless. Bible is full of details of what true Concrete Love looks like:

• “…covers a multitude of sins” (1 Peter 4:8)

• “…without hypocrisy” (Rom 12:9)

• “…builds up” (1 Cor 8:1)

• serves others (Gal 5:13)

• …is fervent (1 Pet 1:22)

• …is sacrificial (1 John 3:11,14,16-19)

And the list goes on. Thankfully, as believers, we had this nature of love inserted into us, but like concrete it needs to structured, built and founded. 1 John 3:18 says:

“My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.”

Prayer: Jesus, show us how to love like you – found in us a concrete love. Build us to express a compassion that is strong, endurable, patient and selfless.

Love Gives Up

Wear your heart out.

In romance, I have been infamous in the action of what I call “love branding”. This is where you see a girl, you “fall in love” with her and then you claim her as “the one“. Can’t count the number of times I have done that and then left away with my heart shattered and bitter. Yet as much as I despise it, whenever love warms itself to me again, I always find myself on that same turnpike to prone my heart to that fantasy that she and I will live happily ever after.

Tasting the sourness of rejection one times too many, I have learned my art of “love branding” is actually very selfish.

1 Corinthians 13:5 says, “(Love) does not seek its own…”.

I define it that Love gives up.

What I mean is that love is not-self centered: it does not think about itself…ever. It’s always selfless: it orbits around the well-being of the other person even when things don’t go its way.

If you want an example: look at Joseph. Here is a man who has, in our contemporary language, “scored”. He has won the hand of the beautiful maiden Mary and now is ready himself to marry her. Then suddenly, he takes the long fall back to earth when he discovers his finance is pregnant.

By Jewish custom, he had rights to have her tried for adultery which could lead her to be killed. Rather than going to that extreme, he could have went into the city square and broadcast what an unfaithful and deceitful woman Mary was and call for her to be socially ostracized.

What did Joseph do?

Matthew 1:19 says,”Then Joseph her husband, being a just man, and not wanting to make her a public example, was minded to put her away secretly.”

There was another option in Jewish tradition which was to file for an end to the relationship. And Joseph favored this option because I believe he still loved her.

His heartstrings were cut and left to bleed. His dreams crashed and burned; yet in all his pain, he still cared sincerely about her. Joseph didn’t want Mary to die, because he probably felt this was the girl he wanted to die for. He didn’t want to humiliate her, because this was the girl he wanted to fight for.

When romance’s hands are severed, love gives an elbow. It never gives in to think about self, but gives up its rights for the right of the other person.

Even in disappointment, it continues to faithfully care for the well-being of the person.

Thank God Joseph remained faithful, and God saw that and later revealed to him the mystery of Mary’s pregnancy: she was carry the Messiah. If the dude had followed his emotions, he would have missed out of being the step dad of Jesus!

I’ll end with a question my mom asked me when I was ready to brand someone as my bride. She asked,”John, could you let her go if God didn’t call her for you?”

Don’t get tied to romance. Love the person. See from her what God is wanting from her. She may be called to be a nurse in Dominican Republic to the orphans there; or she could be called to be a missionary India.

Whatever it may be, if it does occur to you, you should still be able to love her. Give up what you want. Give in to what she needs.

Love Doesn’t Own a Heart

Lately, a common thing I am hearing is guys and girls ending their relationships. Recently, I saw one of the best looking couples I have observed here at college sadly break up.

A proverb I have learned is: You can’t trust your heart.

God said in Jeremiah 17:9 , “The heart is deceitful above all things,and desperately wicked; Who can know it? (NKJV)”

We cannot know our own hearts. It’s plagued with sin, and it consistently lies to us so that we can fulfill its desires. I believe the diagnosis to the problem of all these short-lived relationships is that people get too involved in relationships too quickly.

They rush their emotions. People predestined lovers as future spouses in premature stages of the relationship. I know even some who have dropped out of college to marry. I fear for most of them, for their romance is driven by emotions and the end of that is irreversible damage.

Take Samson for example (Judges 13-16). He was the strongest man alive, yet he was defeated by defenseless women. His demise is that he allowed his feelings to control him.

The first woman the Bible records that Samson was infatuated with was a woman his parents didn’t approve of. But he was so taken by her that he marries her against his family wishes; only to discover that she wasn’t trust worthy.

The second known woman was Deliah. Again, he is so drawn by her beauty and charm, that he marries her off. He is lured by her to reveal the secret of his strength which ultimately kills him.

Note the secret of his strength was not in his hair, but in his vow to God not to cut his hair. Yet he preferred the love of a woman over his devotion to God. True love will never lead you to disobey God.

I will share with you what my closest spiritual mentor advised me. He said that when it comes to love:

Don’t deny your feelings; but don’t follow them. It’s just as easy to fall in love as it is to fall out of love.

Love doesn’t own a heart, because it knows it can’t trust it. Rather it always hopes (1 Corinthians 13:7) that God will not withhold any good thing from His children.

When you’re burning violently with emotions about this person, wait and tell yourself if God wants you two together, He will do it in His perfect time.

Trust Him (Psa 37). Afterall, He wrote time, so He knows everything; even that person you will grow old with.

Love Wears a Watch

If you could only see how many of my friends are “falling in love”!

I count some getting ready to marry; Some posting pictures of their firstborn babies;

Many on Facebook changing their social statuses: from being “single” to  “…in a relationship”.  (So, I’m feeling a little left out).

I like to call love a train station. So many are getting on and off relationships. To me, it’s so tempting to find someone who has really impressed me and then conclude,”She’s the one!” “Quick I gotta get on board!”

But a “Good Book” tells me that:

“Love is patient…” (1 Corinthians 13:4a NKJV)

It also directs me to the story of a man Jacob who comes to a new country to find his uncle. While he seeks directions to his relative, he crosses with the beautiful and charming Rachel.

It was love at first sight. And as fate would have it, Rachel was his cousin, daughter of the uncle he was coincidentally looking for. It was the thing back in Bible times to marry your cousin; so when his uncle hires him and asks for a wager, Jacob asks for the fair hand of Rachel.

Uncle Laban approved, but he required Jacob to work seven years for him before he could have Rachel. But the Bible says:

“So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed only a few days to him because of the love he had for her.” (Genesis 29:20 NKJV).

Although Jacob was “lovestoned” for Rachel, he waited seven years for her. A lot of times, I feel left out because seemingly everyone is in a romantic relationship, but I also see a lot of them end short-lived and bitter. When you go past the excitement: through all the emotions and “sparks” that tags itself to romance, I realize love needs time.

Most of the relationships I see that crash and burn are the ones where the two involved rushed into dating and never had time to really get to know each other. I’ve found that every woman who I “fell” for, later I was happy that she broke my heart. Many of them I discovered I would never want to live with!

Jacob was crazy about Rachel, but he waited. Time gives us the chance to remove the emotions and passions that aren’t really important until -honestly- after marriage. Instead of fantasizing over that special person, we should be asking ourselves:

“God, I am ready to lead a relationship?”

“Will me coming into her life, distract her or bring her closer to You?”

“Can I lead a relationship without getting physical?”

“Can I be involved with her to where her parents, her family, her friends and her church can trust me with her and I can be accountable to them?”

“Is this someone who I would want to grow old with (when all that beauty is gone) and will she help me where I lack in strengths?”

If you were to really to stop and wisely discern things, you will find that love is more serious than you perceive it. Ask God for wisdom. After all He is the Ultimate Lover and Champion Matchmaker!